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We’re Too Young For This!!!

August 17, 2008 | By Heidi | Filed Under: causes, health, husband, soapbox | Leave a Comment


I had to go to the pharmacy to get my husband and my scripts. He had 6 for me to pick up, plus his Lovenox shots and I had my two. It was 66.00. Good Lord! I know we’re lucky too, because we have fairly low copays for our scripts…but still. We’re in our early to mid 30’s and we’re spending over 60 dollars on prescriptions?

This is not counting the pain meds my husband is on, or the 1500mg of calcium he takes everyday or the aspirin he takes or even the iron and multivitamin.

There are plenty of people with his disease who have to take more medications than he does, so we are thankful that he’s only on what he’s on and I know it’s what’s keeping him alive and relatively clot-free, but still I didn’t think that I’d be sorting out my husband’s medications at this age.

He keeps forgetting to take his morning shot too…sometimes he forgets both the morning and night ones. Which then leaves him at risk for a clot…which usually shows up in the form of a TIA or mini stroke.

This disease is no joke. People don’t understand and they don’t get that he looks perfectly fine…maybe a little tired, but he’s really sick and it’s life threatening. And it’s also not going away, won’t get better and we don’t know if it’s hereditary.

I’m running out of things to say when people ask why we haven’t or when we’re going to have kids. I want kids. I really do, but I’m so afraid of passing this mess on to a child. What this disease does to babies and little kids is just horrible. I don’t want to risk that.

When I tell people that they look at me like I just landed from Mars. What part of babies having strokes scares the shit out of me don’t people understand? I can only handle one sick person in my life and my husband’s mind and memory are so bad that I don’t think I could even trust him to care for a child alone.

I haven’t put the idea out of my head completely. But right this moment, this is where we stand on the issue. I wish people understood my fears and the risks and would just mind their own business about it. We may change our minds later down the line. We still have some time. Who knows what the future holds.

So today I spent 66.00 at CVS and then spent 45 minutes getting the pills and shots ready for the week. Hopefully the new system will help him remember his shots. If nothing else, I will keep track of them myself and know exactly how many he’s doing in a week.

And maybe, just maybe, now that he’s back on all of his meds…he’ll start feeling a little better.

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No Ass Packing For This Girl!!

February 24, 2008 | By Heidi | Filed Under: health, husband | Leave a Comment

heh

The surgeon my husband saw today won’t do his surgery. He has a pilodinal cyst that basically needs to be cut out. The area that needs to be removed is probably as big as a small nerf football or slightly larger. And it needs to heal from the inside out.

YUCK!

Recovery time is 6 months to a YEAR!! And in that it’s probably at least 4 months until he will be able to sit and drive.

Ugh…him stuck in this house for that long is not anything that I want to deal with in this lifetime. I’ve dealt with him enough after surgery. He’s had at least 2 in the past 10 years. Not fun at all. He’s not a good patient. You’d think he’d be used to it by now. Ok, that’s not funny.

Reasons for no surgery…risk of bleeding and infection. He’s on blood thinners, he will have a large, open wound. You do the math.

I’m relieved, yet I know he needs the surgery. I’m sure he’ll have it eventually…now is just not the time.

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ER Trip…Panic and Anxiety

February 2, 2008 | By Heidi | Filed Under: health | Leave a Comment

The real deal people…here’s your window into my head.

Walking through target tonight with the husband I suddenly got really light headed like I needed to sit down at that exact moment. I sat down and then got an OVERWHELMING sense of fear & dread. My heart was racing, i felt weird. I’d start feeling better and then boom! It all started coming on again. Finally I felt well enough to walk to the car and waited for the hubs to check out. (We went there for freezer bags for the dog’s food & Laundry detergent)

He came out and asked if I was ok. I felt weird but ok…then I got chest pains and that overwhelming sense of dread again…worse than I’ve ever gotten it. There was no talking me out of this one.

I calmed a little but it happened again and asked him to take me to the ER. I didn’t know if I was having a heart attack or a panic attack or what was happening!! it wasn’t good though, I felt horrible all of a sudden.

On our way to the ER I called my mom who said don’t worry they’ll do an EKG, you’ll be fine and if not…you’re in the right place.

I get to the ER and it wasn’t really busy…thank God! I got triaged, they did an EKG and then took me back.

Now, mind you…I’ve been to the ER a total of 4 times in my adult life and probably none in my young life. I’ve never broken a bone other than fingers and toes and haven’t had surgery besides my wisdom teeth out.

When they took me back and put me in the hall I felt better because if I was in the hall then I wasn’t dying. They didn’t rush me anywhere so my EKG must have been good.

I saw the doctor and she said my EKG was normal…no heart attack…and she was going to give me something to help and that I need to see my regular doctor and probably be prescribed something for this issue. Which I probably do and am making an appointment next week.

Obviously this is not anything I can talk myself out of anymore.
Obviously I have a little bit of stress in my life…

Part of my problem is that I seem myself and I see my father, who has had a heart attack and doesn’t really take care of himself. I was dieting and doing really well for a long time, but I stopped because I had too much life going on to try to deal with dieting too. I need to get back to that.

But if you look up panic attack and women’s heart attack symptoms…they are almost identical. So when I had a little pain in my arm, it was a heart attack…or when my back hurt a certain way…heart attack. And every commercial on the radio is about a heart attack…there’s this one about a hospital that has this one song…ok, so I was humming that song to myself in target tonight. What’s that all about. So I’m so worried about a dam heart attack that i’m having panic attacks instead? what is that? I can’t listen to the radio, every commercial is heart attack this, heart attack that…and the tv is the same way. I’m relieved though my EKG was normal, that will help me.

And my mom is diabetic…and that worries me too. It all worries me. So why not go to the doctor? i don’t want to hear what they have to say honestly. i don’t want to hear that I need to lose weight. I’m not stupid, I know that. But I’m going in next week. I need to take care of myself.

And I need to lessen the stress in my life one way or another. Heh, how do you do that? Work is stressful, home is stressful, it’s been one thing after another added on. Too many worries, too many changes.

I want to curl up somewhere in a ball and just stay there until I feel better and everything’s ok. Not possible. I’m the bread winner. I need to work to keep the roof over our heads, the utilities on and to keep us and the babies fed.

It’s alot on my shoulders. And obviously my body/mind thinks so too.

I always say everything’s ok or it will be ok.

Right now though, I’m not ok

but everything will be ok soon i hope.

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Welcome! My name is Heidi. I live in the mitten state. I blog about my animals, my journey to a healthier me, motivational things, and just life in general. I keep it as real as possible.
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