Well after my complete meltdown over what my husband told me, we talked a little bit and he decided that his “no” decision was made hastily and without research of different options. So he asked that we re-discuss everything in July to give him time to look into things and our different options – adoption or fostering, etc.
While I appreciate his slight change of heart, I do feel like he is only pacifying me, which I don’t want either.
So he ripped my heart from my chest, shoved it back in and put a bandaid over it.
I sure hope he doesn’t rip it back out in July.
I want him to follow his heart and listen to HIMSELF and not two old men who don’t have anything to do with our marriage or lives. If his heart tells him being a daddy isn’t something he wants to do, then we’ll deal with it. But if it does…then (yay!) and let’s start looking into our options.
In the meantime…I’ll be desperately holding on to the tiny ounce of hope that I still have and trying not to shed anymore tears over this.
I see much therapy in my future…which is probably long overdue…and meds.
